Men Who Pause

2002-04-02T16:08:00.000-05:00

I've been resurrected. Okay...I just moved.

2002-04-02T12:02:00.000-05:00

I'm faking my death.

2002-03-28T15:05:00.000-05:00

Due to my birthday being a National Holiday, I won't be here tomorrow. Here's something to think about:
In 2001 five times as much money was spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. That means that in 30 years people will be walking around with huge breasts and erections but won't remember what to do with them.

2002-03-28T06:35:00.000-05:00

Theres been a terrible accident on my way to work!!!

2002-03-27T10:41:00.000-05:00

The Scene: Overnight snow storm that leaves about 6 inches of snow that they haven't plowed off most roads by 6:30am.

The Events: Get out of vehicle after arriving at work, and notice front tire flat. While debating whether to try and call for roadside assistance, which I don't really need but is covered in the lease, I decide to go inside and make coffee. As I'm filling the carafe, I place my phone/two-way radio on back of toilet. Hear "plop" and look over to see phone sinking into the abyss.

The Remedy: Make myself extra large cup of coffee and go surf porn. I would have left and went home, but I had a flat tire.

How's your day going?

2002-03-26T13:42:00.000-05:00

Now that I'm almost a senior citizen, I notice a few things differently...

-Two movies on a Saturday night is a waste of one good movie. Hell, renting one movie after 9pm means watching the rest in the morning.
-McDonald's isn't a treat.
-There's no slow drivers anymore.
-Friday or Saturday night only means not having to work in the morning.
-I seem to have time for the telemarketers or the Jehovah's Witnesses.
-New body hairs aren't as exciting as they were 20 years ago.
-Having a bald spot isn't so bad if you're 6' 3".

2002-03-25T10:53:00.000-05:00

Parking at the grocery store is getting out of hand. I need a couple things while trying to make breakfast on Saturday morning around 10am, so I hop in the car and take a quick jaunt over to the local store. As I pull in I realize that its still too early for the masses, so the parking lot is still half empty. I cruise down the aisle toward the "primo spots" near the front and realize as I'm about to pull in that it's reserved for "Customer with Child". I look around and notice more empty spots, but they're reserved with "Handicapped Persons" or "Expectant Mother's Parking" signs. Then I notice, way in the back corner, where they keep the old beat-up spare shopping carts, three spots reserved for "Middle-aged Normal Persons". I think I'm going to start shopping on GroceryGateway.com.

2002-03-22T10:05:00.000-05:00

Next friday is my 36th Birthday, and it's a holiday....COINCIDENCE?

2002-03-22T09:42:00.000-05:00

Friday, friday, how I love friday. Let me count the ways...

1. TungDog
2. Wet Suits
3. Magic Trick
4. My friend plays the piano
5. Leash Your Girl

2002-03-21T11:49:00.000-05:00

I've been sick. It was a family thing. My daughter threw up in the car on Saturday as we pulling into a restaurant for lunch. We cleaned her off and thought nothing of a 14 month old being sick and continued into the restaurant. While inside awaiting at our table, our daughter started throwing up again. It was perfect timing, as the were no placesettings and no napkins on the table. We cleaned up with the help of our poor waitress and still decided to eat, then order pie. I guess we were punished, because by Tuesday we were all sick.
I started thinking the other day about names for sites, as I'm moving soon to a Movable Type site that was offered to me for free by someone who I read on a daily basis, even though I haven't linked her and she doesn't link me. Rather unselfish act. The question is...what is the name of your site, and how did you come up with it?

2002-03-18T16:06:00.000-05:00

A friend of my sister-in-laws was up at the local mall on Friday afternoon. As she was walking from Payless Shoes to Zeller's, she noticed two kids playing with a shopping cart, and what looked like a gun. She figured it was plastic and went to go around the boys. The boy with the gun grabbed her, put the gun up against her head and demanded all her money. She grabbed the gun and ran into Zeller's and asked to use the phone. The cashier wouldn't let her use the phone but pointed to a pay phone in the lobby. She called police and they caught the boy. He was 12 years old. What's more shocking, the 12 year old pulling a gun, or the clerk not letting her call 911?

2002-03-15T07:21:00.000-05:00

I have a younger sister. She doesn't like horror movies. When we were younger, the movie Poltergeist came out on television. We watched the whole thing, and it scared the crap out of us. When the movie ended, I headed upstairs to get ready for bed as I was about 14, and it was bedtime for me. My sister tried to milk it as she was 12, and staying up late didn't happen much for her. After brushing my teeth and going to the bathroom, I decided to play a joke on little sister. I set up my bedroom to look like I was already in bed sleeping, turned off all the upstairs lights, and snuck into her room and placed my back to the wall and reached over to place my open hand over the light switch. Sister finally comes up and realizing that it's pitch black, slowly makes her way down the hall, thinking about devil possession the whole time. She slinks toward her room, and reaches around the wall to turn on the light and screams loud enough to set off car alarms. Thankfully, there weren't allot of cars with alarms in those days.

2002-03-13T17:40:00.000-05:00

A tip for the day: Don't get behind people who are driving cars with car rental logo stickers on the bumpers. They don't normally drive, so they don't know how, and they sure as hell don't know where they're going as someone else either took them there, or they have never been there before.
If your wondering why I haven't left any snide remarks in your comments area on your sites, it's because these bastards are making me work while I'm at the office this week. Do you believe the nerve of them?
P.S. 16 days until my Birthday...you've been warned!

2002-03-12T07:49:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to spend less time on people's personal sites and more time online shopping for an upcoming birthday present for the wife. Hope she appreciates the extra hour I come into work to shop, and the extra hour I stay after work. It's grueling going from site to site comparing prices and trying to get the right color and size for her present. It's tough finding sites through Google when you don't know who carries lingerie by their name. Hopefully I'll find the right present before her birthday in late May...

2002-03-11T07:39:00.000-05:00

11:40pm Saturday March 9th, 2002. Stomach growling. Mission: Find instant gratification in fast food to fill the void. Walking into fast food burger shop that is remarkably still open in my 3 horse town, take heed of sign that states open till midnight to serve you better. Wander into empty restaurant and proceed to counter. Stare at billboard menu and proceed to tell pimply face kid what kind of burger I would like from the fifteen types that they provide. Pimply faced kid tells me that they just cleaned the grill, and therefore cannot make me a burger because they close in ten minutes. I tell him that its actually 11:41pm as I point to their clock on the wall from company headquarters, and that I'll enjoy a nice clean cheeseburger with all the fixin's. Pimply faced boy says one moment and goes to office near back of kitchen. Out comes older pimply faced man to proceed to tell me that they close in "a few minutes", and he'd be happy to give me large fries for the price of small. Asked for pimply faced man's name and also pimply faced boy's name and pulled out a pen to write the down on free logo incrusted napkin. Told pimply faced man that I would be on the phone with head office Monday at 9:00am to ask why restaurant won't serve the public before actual closing time? That was the best damn burger that I've had in a long time, although I watched them like a hawk while they were cooking it.

2002-03-08T14:43:00.000-05:00

The other day I was driving along the highway and got stuck behind a guy in the passing lane doing exactly the speed limit. I noticed his license plate read "NASA 1". I somehow doubt that he was a rocket scientist though. After seeing another plate that read "1 RAD Z", I started wondering who would pay the government $100 to have that on their license plate? I saw the driver and it explained a few things though. In some places they only give out one plate for the rear of your car as apposed to the two plates we get here. Is that a cost issue? Do you get personal plates cheaper because you only get one plate?

2002-03-07T14:50:00.000-05:00

What the hell is the obsession with Jennifer Lopez? I can't go near a television without seeing this girl, let alone a magazine rack. Her "official site" doesn't even recognize Canada either. Blasphemy!

2002-03-07T10:10:00.000-05:00

I did allot of thinking in the hospital while sitting and waiting which is great fodder for you guys. I realized that once you have kids, your world changes. I don't mean in the fact that you can't afford to go out for dinner anymore, and there's always a toy on the stairs awaiting a dark early quiet morning either. I mean in the way you see things. Before I could read stories about daycare centers having fatal fires, or kidnapping stories and it never really fazed me, but now I can't. When I read stories like this about a 13 year old girl who said "If I couldn't have saved them I would have stayed there, too", I get emotional. I watched the movie "A Perfect World" and cried like a girl, and it wasn't Kevin Costner's acting, because he was actually good in this. It's just different. I've got to get all the love from my kids now while I can, because they're no good once they turn seven...

2002-03-07T09:20:00.000-05:00

My daughter was in the hospital. Seems she had flu-like symptoms and seemed lethargic. She wouldn't eat or drink and then started to break out in a rash and was vomiting. We took her to our doctor, then as per his advice, to the hospital. She was put on an I.V. for dehydration, and they did blood tests. She was quarantined as they didn't know what it was, and figured until they did, it wouldn't be a good idea for her to be in contact with other people. Two and a half days later, they take her off I.V. and since the swelling has gone down, and she seems to be back to normal, they release her. They don't know what it was. I figure it was either an allergic reaction to something, or a result of a immunization shot she had 3 days before. The doctor says that most kids don't get the reaction to the immunization shot for about 9 days, so he doesn't think that's what it is. He gets how much an hour? In Ontario, we don't have to have medical insurance, as most is covered by OHIP that is taken out of our paycheques by the government. The good thing is if you're quarantined, you get your own room.

2002-03-05T13:46:00.000-05:00

I'm alive, just got some family crap to deal with...back soon.

2002-03-04T06:33:00.000-05:00

Okay Girls & Boys, it's time for a test. Claudia has a site that made me think that I went blind. The links show up and so does a couple of tests, but you have to right click your mouse and "select all" to highlight her type so you can read it. Is it just me on I.E, or are you guys having the same problem. Most people don't believe me when I tell the truth...especially the police.

2002-03-01T17:43:00.000-05:00

Um...I was joking. Read the third post for today. I was mocking people who take their sites and what they write too seriously. Sometimes, only I understand my humor...Is that a bad thing?

2002-03-01T07:14:00.000-05:00

I need a break from this whole blogging thing. This is just too stressful and I need some "me" time. I may not post for awhile, and I'm sorry to all of you. Hope you all understand. I just feel so creatively drained...

2002-03-01T07:02:00.000-05:00

Okay I'm back from Hiatus. I feel much better now. Here's your friday links:

-Cat Hats
-Wet Business Suit Collection
-Barbie 2002 (Flash)
-Army Men Porn
-Toe Wrestling

2002-02-28T15:01:00.000-05:00

Every night I put my son to bed and he wants a story read to him. I go into his bookcase and pull out one of the books that I've read to him a hundred times. Only instead of getting a story like "Hop on Pop" or "Blue's Clues", I make up my own. My latest story is about a kid named Picking Peter. He mistakes one of his boogers for a caterpillar one day after trying to hide the fact that he picks his nose from his mother. He finds it later in his house, and stuffs it away in a coffee can and when his mother goes to serve coffee one day to her friends, out flies a beautiful butterfly, much to Peter's amazement. Needless to say, Peter now picks his nose twice as much. Problem is, I think my son likes that story.

2002-02-28T11:39:00.000-05:00

One of these two people is a sports traitor. Guess which one?

2002-02-27T12:44:00.000-05:00

Lately, I've noticed allot of articles about personal websites. Some try and tell you what is the perfect blog and some rate others by what they read and see. I don't think most of these people have the slightest idea what makes a good site and what doesn't. They seem to think that blogging is a trend and they have no clue. Most blogs are just personal diaries or thoughts or feeling or events that are taking place in other peoples lives. Some, like me don't get into their personal life as it's not that exciting, and stick to thoughts and tidbits that amuse. Some sites are just links to other things that the author has found amusing or newsworthy. Some are topics, tests, or quotes from other sites. Today alone I read about a marriage breaking up, a woman who is getting over her boyfriend, a guy who is wrongly taking anger management classes because he's feuding with his ex-wife, and another guy who talks to his penis. It's all about variety and choice, and most people who have a site don't keep it up because of fame or hits or what will make them popular, they do it because they like to express themselves. Keep up the good work.

2002-02-26T08:23:00.000-05:00

How many times will I get these emails before they figure out that I'm not that stupid?

Dr. Tony Echie
TEL:234-1-7746827
FAX:234-1-7590474
HOME TEL:234-1-7742865

ATTN:Sir,

STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL & URGENT.

I am a member of the Federal Government of Nigeria Contract Award and Monitoring Committee in the Nigerian National PetroleumCorporation(NNPC). Sometime ago, a contract was awarded to a foreign firm in NNPC by my committee. This contract was over invoiced to the tune of US$21.5M. This was done deliberately. The over-invoicing was a deal by my committee to benefit from the project. We now desire to transfer this money which is in a Suspense Account with NNPC in any Overseas Account which we
expect you to provide for us. For providing the account where we shall remit the money, you will be entitled to 30% of the money. 70%
will be for me and my partners.I would require the following:
(1) Name of Company and Address(As Beneficiary )
(2) Contact Telephone and Fax No. of Beneficiary
(3) Banking Information
The above information would be used to make formal applications as a matter of procedure for the release of the money and onward transfer to your account. It does not matter whether or not your company does contract projects of this nature described here, the
assumption is that your company won the major contract and subcontracted it out to other companies. More often than not, big trading
companies or firms of unrelated fields win major contracts and subcontract to more specialized firms for execution of such contracts. We have strong and reliable connections and contacts at the Apex Bank and Federal Ministry of Finance and we have no doubt that all this money will be released and transferred if we get the necessary foreign partner to assist us in this deal. Therefore, when the business is successfully concluded we shall through our same connections withdraw all documents used from all the concerned
Government Ministries for 100% security. We are civil servants and we will not want to miss this opportunity.
Please contact me immediately through my Tel Number Only 234-1-7746827, whether or not you are interested in this deal. If you are not, it will enable me scout for another foreign partner to carry out this deal. But where you are interested, send the required documents aforementioned herein without delay, as time is of the essence in this business. I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation.

Yours faithfully,
Dr. Tony Echie.

Maybe he just earned the right to get all my junk emails forwarded to him for the rest of the year. Want to send your junk emails too? His email address is tonyechie2@yahoo.com. If you're worried about him getting your email address, then send them to me at guruvious@hotmail.com, and I'll take off your address and forward them to him. I'd really appreciate it. He won't, but I will.

2002-02-25T09:12:00.000-05:00

There's a couple questions I've been thinking about when it comes to my three year old son, Hayden:
Will he have my sense of humor?
Will he have my temper?
Will he want to play hockey, or will he choose a sport that I never played?
Will he get have a girlfriend, or boyfriend?
Will he get into trouble with the law?
Will he get into trouble with drugs?
Will he realize that his parents can be his best friends?
Will it be too late for us when he does?
Somehow, I don't think that Mrs. Cleo can give me these answers.

2002-02-22T10:56:00.000-05:00

Some quizes to keep you busy:

-What Sex in the City Character Are You?
-Which Sesame Street Character Are You?
-Which Trainspotting Character Are You?
-Which Kids in the Hall Character Are You?
-Which Enterprise Character Are You?
-What Pre-1985 Video Game Character Are You?
-Are you sick of online personality tests?

2002-02-22T09:58:00.000-05:00

Yeeeeeeeehaw, lets drink!

2002-02-21T17:12:00.000-05:00

When are we going to realize that burying people isn't a great idea, and implement forced cremation? I mean, sooner or later, they're going to run out of room burying bodies, and start rethinking the whole scheme of things. I read somewhere that if they need to move a cemetery, they need written permission from every family that has a family member buried at that cemetery. That can't be very easy, especially for the older ones. In this age of recycle, and environmentally friendly thinking, sooner or later they're going to outlaw burials. It would probably help the organ donation programs as well. Just a thought...

2002-02-20T13:26:00.000-05:00

As the clock ticks over from 8:01PM on Wednesday, February 20th, 2002 time will (for sixty seconds only) read in perfect symmetry. To be more precise 20:02, 20/02, 2002. It is an event which has only ever happened once before, and is something which will never be repeated. The last occasion that time read in such a symmetrical pattern was long before the days of the digital watch or 24 hour clock. 10:01AM, on January 10, 1001. And because the clock only goes up to 23:59, it is something that will never happen again.

Okay, what about 11:11, 11/11, 1111? That would be twice before. Am I right or not? I really need to be right on this one.

2002-02-20T07:05:00.000-05:00

The other days post got me thinking about doll collectors. What possesses people to collect these things? My mother in law collects dolls. There's little girls in different dresses and even little boys in different outfits, and they all have different names. Some are holding teddy bears and some have pets or bottles. Every time we go over there, we see the large glass cabinet in the dinning room full of dolls, and it creeps me out. My three year old son always wanted to see them, until I told him that that's where Grandma puts all the bad girls and boys. He doesn't care much for them anymore either...

2002-02-19T15:17:00.000-05:00

This just makes me giggle...

2002-02-19T13:56:00.000-05:00

succotash....

2002-02-18T15:41:00.000-05:00

The funniest thing I saw today.

The funniest thing I heard today:
Re: a delivery to The War Amps of Canada.
Dispatcher: They're open open from 8-12 daily.
Me: Don't you find it odd that the War Amps are only open half days?

The funniest thing I read today.

2002-02-18T14:34:00.000-05:00

Remember the days when Murphy the Molar came to your school and you were told to go brush your teeth, then chew this red tablet, and they would show you how badly you brushed your teeth? Do they still do that, or is it a bad idea to have a bunch of schoolkids running around with red goo oozing out of their mouths? What kind of cereal did you manage to bribe Mom to buy to get the cool prizes? I had three brothers, so unless I went with Mom to the grocery store and walked two miles, carrying brown bags full of groceries home, I didn't score the magic decoder ring. I don't reminisce here enough, and I think its because of all the poundings you take when you have three brothers.

2002-02-15T10:49:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Kaydee, I almost forgot the Friday links:

-Duct Tape Fashions
-Bag Bed
-Turd Twister

2002-02-15T07:10:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well. Canada seems to have gotten the shaft at the Olympic Games. If you haven't heard already, in the pairs figure skating, Canada's Jamie Sale and David Pelletier skated a flawless skate and were thought to have clinched the gold metal. French figure skating judge Marie-Reine Le Gougne was pressured to "act in a certain way" before she voted to give the gold to the Russians instead of the Canadians, and the Canadians came away with a silver metal. The controversy starts, and next thing you know, it all starts to come out. Now, this isn't some minor event, this is the Olympics, and if the whole world starts saying that they're tainted, the outcome will be horrendous on the future games. They're talking about this on every television and radio station up here and trying to figure out how to fix the judging as its not based on speed or goals, and I think I've come up with a solution. They should take about 15-20 people who have competed in events as skaters, so they'll understand how hard/easy some of the moves are, and just seconds before the event, draw the seven that they need to judge them. That way they'll be no "fixes" on unless they can get to at least half the group. Oh yeah, for the record, I don't watch or follow figure skating. Honest. No, really.

2002-02-14T06:52:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentines Day. I went to Zellers last Tuesday to get a prescription filled for my son and happened to notice the newly set-up rack of Valentine's cards as I was about to walk by. I stopped dead in my tracks as last year came to mind... February 14th, about 6pm, standing inside Wal-Mart staring at was once a full rack of Valentines cards to see about three different ones left. Notice another balding man approaching with that "deer in the headlights look", so I grabbed one that I thought was looking best out of the remains, to read "To Our Darling Wife...from the both of us.. Needless to say, I went through the full two foot section dedicated for men's cards for their wives, then proceeded to the other forty foot section for cards dedicated for children to their mom's. This morning I actually remembered where I had hid the cards since last week, signed them and left them sitting by the pile of dirty dishes beside the sink. That outta hold her...

2002-02-13T15:17:00.000-05:00

Is there a reason that on the coldest windiest night of the winter, that you're guaranteed to need gas in your car? You can drive around for as long as your car will run, and not find a full serve station either. When you do give in, about 40 miles out of your way, and go to pump your own, the station attendant will take what seems like five minutes to turn the pump on. Then it will keep shutting itself off when you squeeze the trigger all the way, so you're stuck pumping with your bare hand. By the way, don't get a car wash when its forty below, unless you're going to carry the lock de-icer in your coat pocket.

2002-02-13T14:37:00.000-05:00

The redesign was easier than I thought. I spent about an hour this morning on it, and an hour last night screwing around with a test site that I use for just such occasions. This is what Blogger gives you to work with, then I switched the left box with the right, added my links, and changed the colours. The background came from this site, and badda-bing, badda-boom, I'm patting myself on the back. Now if only I could get rid of that Blogger banner...

2002-02-13T07:35:00.000-05:00

Ta-da!

2002-02-12T13:03:00.000-05:00

I been around the world and I, I, I...can't remember where I stole this link from. It's a site that predicts how long you have to live. Now my prediction came up as "You were born on Tuesday, March 29, 1966. You have lived 13,104 days and have 18,140 days left to live. Lets make them count!" and "Statistically you should die on Friday October 13, 2051 at 10:20:46 AM" . So when do I start worrying? Hell, I haven't even got RRSP's yet. Should I not make a will until the year 2050, to save me from all those costly changes that I'll have to make with a lawyer? I'll be 86 then. Will I know it? Will I die in my sleep, or will it be a painful death? This damn site just isn't giving me enough information!

2002-02-11T13:07:00.000-05:00

You either love her or hate her. I don't have a stand on this issue, as she doesn't effect my life. I'm talking about Britney Spears. I know you figured that unless I was posting naked pictures or parody websites about her, she would never be mentioned by me. The problem is that everyone's talking about why they hate her, or god forbid, like her, and I was pondering where I stand on the issue. They don't play her music on the stations I listen too, and my daughter is only 14 months old and therefore doesn't have those teeny bopper magazines around the house yet or play her records over and over again until my wife grinds her teeth. I really don't know much about her, so I can't say that I hate her. Besides, she'll probably be gone after her new movie debuts. I still want to know how she makes her boobs change sizes on demand though.

2002-02-08T06:21:00.000-05:00

Its Friday again. Time for your links:

-PeePantsBoys
-TubCat
-The Wisdom of SuperModels
-PreDate Confidence Builder
-Divine Interventions

Three guys I want to live next door to:

-Peter Pan
-Skirt Man
-Bettina

2002-02-07T11:10:00.000-05:00

If you don't read mecawilson everyday, you should. You really, really should. I would pay to read his site, as apposed to asking my readers to pay to take my wife out for dinner, to make up for the time I've spent on my site, ignoring her.
(via:Eden)((her comment:#80-mine:#71))

2002-02-07T07:35:00.000-05:00

What the Hell's going on in Minnesota. Nobody went to the Twins games and they were the victim of Major League Baseball's idea of contraction. Well, due to lease agreements in their current stadium, they will get to play another year. Will anyone go to the games? The Vikings have been whining for a new stadium for a few years now, and the North Stars left for Dallas because of the problems they were having at the Met. What I don't understand is, if the North Stars were only getting about 6000 people in attendance per game, and they tried everything, including cheerleaders in the stands, then why are the Wild selling out every night? Why do you have the biggest mall in the free world, but won't build a decent sports stadium? Must be all women in that city...

2002-02-06T06:57:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else noticed that nobody seems to be spotting Elvis around lately? Damn, he must really be dead then...

2002-02-05T14:53:00.000-05:00

Still here. I'm thinking of a job change since my Super Bowl prediction. If you missed the commercials, like most people who don't live in the States, there's a link here for them. The funniest was the "Kevin Bacon" one from Visa, and about three different Bud ones. The Yahoo one was just plain strange. Not the funny strange either. I personally think the flag waving was a bit much. If you don't understand what I mean, see this. The commercials that implied that buying drugs was supporting terrorism, was indeed laughable. If you've read a newspaper in the last six months, you'll know who supported the Taliban inappropriately.

2002-02-01T12:11:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, during our first major snowfall of this year, one of our drivers from work crashed his truck into a bus shelter. Thankfully, no-one was inside that shelter. He was coming down a hill and there were two cars stopped at the intersection's red light. Instead of taking out a vehicle, he took out the shelter. Last night when I got home, I flicked over to the 11:00 news, and they're showing clips in the opening trailer of people shoveling and cars whipping out. Guess what catches my eye? Someone had footage of him taking out the bus shelter, and I had a blank tape and a VCR. I brought the tape to work today and everyone laughed except the driver in his rental truck. Maybe he'll find it funny when the snow melts.

2002-01-31T13:12:00.000-05:00

Mother Nature is kicking our ass today. First real snowfall this year, so we can't complain too much, I suppose.

2002-01-30T17:10:00.000-05:00

The Pats will be within 4 points of the Rams. They may not win, but I wouldn't be surprised. They stopped the running game of the Steelers and that's something that even the Raven's couldn't do. Anyone wanna bet on the spread? Winners can be guest bloggers on eachothers sites.

2002-01-29T13:18:00.000-05:00

My name is Guruvious, and I watch the commercials.
*Hello Guruvious*
It all started when I had a satellite dish and instead of watching the Superbowl feed through a local station, I watched from an American station. I was hooked. Instead of the same five ads over and over again, I was blessed with intelligent commercials with wit and creativity. I even taped the game with the commercials.
*Oooo...ahhhhh*
Yes, it's true. Now there's a problem arising. My friends have found out about it and they want to come over and watch the game at my house. They're going to bring their screaming snot-nosed kids too. It will be hell. I need help. I'll miss the commercials...

2002-01-28T06:40:00.000-05:00

On Saturday I took my three year old son to see the Great Asian Dinosaurs at the Royal Ontario Museum. The first thing we noticed was that they were all small dinosaurs. Also, we should of came when the exhibit first got here in December, as there's nothing left but skeletons.

2002-01-25T13:15:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile, but heres your Friday Five:

-Midget Breeding Habits
-Virtual Model
-Army Men Porn
-Poke the Bunny
-Beauty Kit (um...warning!)

2002-01-24T07:25:00.000-05:00

I've updated my links. I added a few new ones that I read daily, and adjusted a few that had their names changed. They are in particular order so don't be offended. If I get the time, I'll put them in some type of order. Now the question...if you have a site that you've linked for awhile, and then it changes and seems to be loosing it's finesse and it's getting to the point that you don't really read it anymore, do you to remove it? Do you just remove it, and it doesn't bother you, or do you try and redesign and remove it then so if the site owner notices and asks you, you can lie and say that "I must of accidentally left it off"?

2002-01-23T07:26:00.000-05:00

As I was reading a daily read, it reminded me of a incident on public transit a few years back that I think you all may get a kick out of. I was riding the Subway train downtown a few years back, and we stopped at York Mills station. Now to most of you who don't live in the Toronto area, it's a better than average neighborhood. The doors open and on gets a women in her mid thirty's in a full length fur coat. She looks around, and their is no available seats. Normally, I give up my seat as I was raised to do so, but before I can gather my things, she spies a drunk sleeping on a bench and decides to rouse him so she can sit next to him. She walks over and bumps the man and says "C'mon, get up. You only paid one fair, you only get one seat". He doesn't budge. She now bumps him harder and yells for him to move. By now, everyone on the train has an eye on what is going on down at our end of the train. One more real hard knee from the woman, and the drunk turns his head and proceeds to puke all down the woman's fur coat. Everyone on that train's eyes opened as wide as they could, most gasped, but I think I laughed the hardest.

2002-01-22T15:56:00.000-05:00

I waited, and waited, and it's finally here.

(snagged from: )

2002-01-21T14:08:00.000-05:00

As my wife was driving away this weekend with the kids in car...
My son: "Look, Daddy's waving."
My wife: No, son...waving is only with one arm in the air.

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

2002-01-18T07:20:00.000-05:00

Some tests to keep you busy:

-Are you a freak?
-Which Brady kid are you?
-What McDonald's product are you?
-What Pooh character are you?
-What Pop Icon are you?
-Which Empire Records character are you?
-What kind of car are you?

2002-01-17T06:31:00.000-05:00

Was watching TV the other night when a commercial came on for McDonalds. I pointed out to the wife that Ronald was looking a little different and she noticed it too. I started wondering how many different actors had played Ronald on their ads in North America, and my guess is at least six. I will find this out. I started thinking about other conglomerate fast food places and their ads as the newest Subway one I've seen has replaced Jared with Clay Henry. Now I know Jared was getting old and they needed something new, but I find it kind of funny that they happened to push the fact that Clay is a firefighter, at a time when we are all pretty proud of our firefighters. Clay just doesn't seem right to me. He looks like the kid in school who always tried to steal your lunch money. Also, does this mean that Jared was unemployed or worked in the mailroom somewhere, so his occupation isn't as glorious as being a firefighter? What's with the Colonel lately? The original passed on years ago, so the have a cartoon one who seems very hip and trendy towards rap music, even though we all know that old gray haired guys from the south aren't exactly like that.

2002-01-16T18:28:00.000-05:00

No blog til the work stops!

2002-01-14T13:09:00.000-05:00

Since Hoopty is interviewing all of us on his site one by one, I'd thought it would be fun to interview him:

1. How long were you on the internet reading other sites before you got your own?
I've been on the 'neck for a long time, but I didn't think about this until C.C. Chapman showed me his. Once I saw that and how cool it was I wanted one of my own. His was first and it was fabulous. So was his blog.

2.What is your favourite site(s)?
Sites come and go with me. Depends on what kinda mood I'm in, but it's usually one that's funny and crazy. There's so much ca-ca on the 'neck that it gets overwhelming. Off the top of my head I'd have to say that I currently think the cameltoe.com site is one of the funniest things I've read in awhile, and I also love dopey stuff.....wait, that IS dopey stuff. I'm one of those people that just starts clicking links inside links until I hit a wall. Too fun...

3.Do you think about the internet when you're not on it?
All the time. I'm a internet whore. Anyone on here that says they aren't is lying. It kills me when I read something about people getting
real lives and stuff. Hell, this IS a real life and one that I'm perfectly happy with. And I don't have a social problem.....really.....usually.....sometimes......okay, I do. Happy
now?

4.Do you think about suicide when the internet is down?
Suicide and no connection go hand in hand. Hell, I think of suicide when I'm online, especially if I go to a place that makes me gag on my pretzels so hard I wanna jump off the Golden Gate Bridge, choking the whole way to the water. Sounds like fun........

5.Do you threaten people by saying "I'll get naked"?
I can't imagine them taking it any other way. Usually they're pretty good about it. People are always asking me for free nudie pics, so even they might not admit it, they really just wanna see my luscious nekkid booty. I comply. I have a PayPal account that takes credit cards.

6.What is your real job/source of income?
When I was in the adult film industry towards the end of its heyday, my girlfriend at the time Tracy Lords (yeah, Crazy Tracy....thought she was a nurse, huh?) was telling me at an orgy once that I should get in legitimate film. She saw my true acting ability and the way I make sex faces. It didn't work out. The only people that wanted me was Disney, and just for the Jungle Book movies. It was pretty disheartening. They never saw my true potential, so I moved back to San Francisco and became the highest-grossing prostitute in the tri-neighborhood area, which I do nights. By day I work at a computer company. That's not nearly as much fun, but they're good about the nudity aspect, since I won't blog with clothes on.

7.What is your beverage of choice?
Water. I can't get enough of it. I don't drink alcohol since it makes me promiscuous. Water gets me so charged. More people should try it.

8.Are you a child of divorce?
Kind of. I'm the first "Tube-Tied Baby". It was during the shocker at the catholic church. My mom was a nun who used to take special "donations" for.....do you really want to hear this..?

9.What kind of radio station do you listen to?
I like listening to extreme right-wing paranoia radio. It's hilarious. I also love cruising the AM stations looking for those conspiracy theory freaks. That and NPR. I need some pompous left-wing rhetoric as well.

10.Have you ever been to Vegas before going in this August to BlogCon 2002?
Yeah, I was Sammy Davis, Jr.'s towel-boy for the longest time. I never saw as many boobies in one place. I grew up loving boobies. I still do. Even better than cartoons.

11.Can I publish this for my two readers?
Sure, as long as you promise not to get all psycho on me and start stalking me. People like that should be locked up. So yeah......

2002-01-11T15:40:00.000-05:00

Have you ever noticed that when you're at a store and the cashier rings up the purchase and it comes to $23.21, that women are the only ones that try to give the exact change? It could take a woman forty minutes to go through every pocket in her purse to try and match that amount, no matter how many people are in line. When I had a purchase come to $11.28, I would give the cashier a twenty dollar bill, and a dollar twenty eight in change. Do you know how many times I got $9.00 back instead of a ten dollar bill because it confused the minimum wage cashier? Maybe that's why men never give the exact amount.

2002-01-10T07:29:00.000-05:00

My wife had a clairvoyant come to our house the other night and get a reading with some of her friends and family. Its always women who get these things done as men figure the only future they want predicted is the outcome of sports events. I don't bug her about it as I let her do her thing, and she lets me do mine, but I happened to ask her last night what the physic said. I half expected her to tell me that the physic said "You'll live a long happy life and you'll be wealthy and blah, blah, blah...", but instead was told that the physic said that "There's an eight year old girl's spirit in this house and she plays with your son and sometimes she brings in friends to play here too." Now my son Hayden, who's three, we sometimes catch saying "Stay right there, I'll be right back", and we try to figure out who he's talking to, and once he told us to "come upstairs and meet the witch." Now when he motioned the witch, he was about two and so we followed him upstairs and he really seemed to be looking for someone, but he couldn't find her. My wife who has been to a few physic's before, always says that her grandmother's spirit is in the house and if we think we smell baking, its just her and everything's fine. Her grandmother died before Hayden was born, and he has never even seen pictures of her, let alone really know who she was. My wife got out some photo albums and pulled out a picture of her grandmother and when she showed it to Hayden, he says "That's the witch". Now with all these spirits in the house, I'm starting to wonder if we should be more careful in what we do when we think no-one's watching.

2002-01-09T06:45:00.000-05:00

Everyday I drive the same route to work at the same time and because it's pretty early, there's not allot of traffic. If it rains, its bumper to bumper. Do more people drive when it rains as apposed to taking public transit? Are people leaving earlier due to rain, therefore making everyone late, or do these extra people set their alarms ahead, wake up, look out the window, and if its crappy out, leave right away?

2002-01-08T17:27:00.000-05:00

Wow, Dave died last night. I'll miss his acting on those commercials. Maybe they'll lower their flags to half mast and possibly raise their burgers to half beef.

2002-01-08T16:46:00.000-05:00

I started wondering the other day if doctors had their own doctors? Do you think if you found out who your doctor's doctor was, that you'd rather go to them than him? Would he then be called a "specialist"? What about lawyers? How do we find this out?

2002-01-07T07:53:00.000-05:00

There is something I've been wondering and I'm a little hesitant to write about, but hopefully you will take this with a grain of salt. Do you think professional hockey players get sick of hearing the National Anthem? I mean, they play about 82 games a year and before every single game, they play the anthem. If they're playing for a Canadian team, they have to listen to our anthem, and if playing against an American team, they have to hear the Canadian and the American anthems. I hear Americans are standing on sides of roads with raw eggs waiting for cars to pass that aren't flying flags or other symbols of patriotism right now, so it's a touchy subject, but hearing that same anthem over & over would probably grate on my nerves.

2002-01-03T06:42:00.000-05:00

The good fairy Guruvious has just visited and granted you one wish: If you could drop one mundane routine thing that you do on a daily or weekly basis like laundry, driving, sleeping, banking, showering or eating that you could bypass and it would have no ill effect on your regular lifestyle, what would it be? Mine would have to be shaving. I absolutely hate it.
Now watch out for the bad fairy Guruvious...

2002-01-02T16:00:00.000-05:00

Wanna kill some...er...time? Try this.

2002-01-02T14:39:00.000-05:00

New Years Resolutions for 2002

- I will pay someone to host this site so I can use banners and proper comments.
- I will go to Blog-Con 2002 in August this year.
- I will do a redesign at least twice and update my links.
- I will not do those online tests (on my site).

I'm setting myself up to break these rather easily.

2001-12-31T09:50:00.000-05:00

Nothing is more fun than sitting in the front window watching Xmas wrapping paper filled garbage bags blow past on a windy day. Everyone have a wonderful last day of a most memorable year.

2001-12-28T14:07:00.000-05:00

Since I seem to drive a lot, I've noticed a trend in people who drive small 4 cylinder foreign cars. They seem to feel the need for mufflers that make more noise than their 4 cylinder cars can produce. There is no increase in performance, only in decibels of sound pollution. There is also a need for small blue lights on most of these noisy little cars and it's most annoying to me, as its like having straight pipes on a lawnmower. The wife would never let me do that to her lawnmower.

2001-12-21T13:57:00.000-05:00

I am out of here at the end of today until after Christmas. During that time, I will not go near a computer. I want to wish each and everyone a Happy Holiday and I'll be back muttling around on your sites on Thursday. Until then, try to spend your holidays with the ones you love and make you happy, even if it means leaving your family in your house alone.

2001-12-21T10:34:00.000-05:00

Its that time again kids...

-Virtual Beggers
-Teach the Sausage (no nudity)
-Pong 2002
-The Mystery of Britney's Breasts (still no nudity)

2001-12-19T06:38:00.000-05:00

I'm heading to the mall this weekend. I'll be the guy who drives up & down the main thoroughfare at 2 mph looking down the aisles for the primo spot that doesn't exist while you and 40 other cars pull out your hair trying to get around me. Then I'll head inside where I'll stroll through the mall with kids screaming and running loose until I go into the packed clothing store to return the pants I bought Uncle Joe last week that I can't seem to find the receipt for, but insist they weren't on sale. When I leave the mall, the lineup to get out to the main roads will be halted by myself at the advanced green light that I won't notice as I'm going through my purchases while you honk madly from the vehicle behind me. Then I have to stop at the post office and inquire about the postage to three different continents and at least 4 postal codes that I make them lookup every year while asking if these 45 cent stamps are sufficient, totally ignoring the forty seven signs posted stating the postal rates from Canada are 47 cents. After leaving and ignoring the stares from the lineup that snakes into the parking lot, I'll head over to the liquor store to purchase 16 different bottles of imported wines that the store doesn't stock and bitch to the frazzled clerk about the fact that I need them by Monday, even though I waited until Saturday the 22nd to think about it. If you see me, don't forget to wave. Try to use all your fingers when waving, unlike all the other people who say "hi".

2001-12-17T14:13:00.000-05:00

I used Blogback awhile ago, and it's letting me use the code again for comments. For how long, I do not know. This week is too busy for me to take the advice of friends and set up dotcomments, so if it goes again, the laughter will stop. Thanks to everyone who helped when I bugged them to get it going.

2001-12-17T13:42:00.000-05:00

Thoughts that keep me up at night:

1.) How do blind people know that they're actually walking in a straight line?
2.) Why do professional sports figures earn more than doctors?
3.) How do they get the cheese in the can?
4.) What do you think was the last good "life-altering" invention?
5.) How do the Americans over in Afghanistan know which guys are the Taliban and which guys aren't?

2001-12-14T15:20:00.000-05:00

Does anyone else think that Martha Stewart and Bob Villa would make an excellent couple?

2001-12-14T13:12:00.000-05:00

This is the type of Christmas card that I send out to family & friends every year. Kinda explains quite a bit huh?

2001-12-13T12:39:00.000-05:00

SnorComments is dead. May it rest in peace. Seems Leo Dillon had about 2 million requests, and his server could'nt handle it. He is working on host-it-yourself version and it will be available soon. It's getting to the point where all of us freeloaders will suffer our fate, or pay to get our sites hosted. It's probably for the better, but I keep hearing a quote from the "Godfather" movie. "Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in."

2001-12-13T09:52:00.000-05:00

The light has shone down on me. Angels stated singing. I figured out why guys get married. It's so someone will go to the store and buy Xmas presents and cards, fill out the cards, wrap the gifts, mail the cards, decorate the tree and arraign all the weekends in December so all we (the men) have to do is put on a clean shirt, load the car, and bitch about which football games we're missing by partaking in the festivities.

2001-12-12T06:54:00.000-05:00

A "little bird" told me that Canadian Tire may be in the process of being sold to an American consortium. Now to most of you who read this from the other side of the border, might not understand that Crappy Tire, or as someone referred to it the other day as "Canuck Truck" has been around almost 80 years. It was started by two brothers from Toronto and has grown to be a Canadian icon. Most Canadians have gotten their first bicycle, roller skates or hockey stick there. Selling it to anyone other than a Canadian is like telling an American that Sears or Macy's has been sold to a Japanese company. Now, this "little bird" could be full of shit, and if you've ever washed your car on a sunny day, you'll know that most of the little birds are.

2001-12-11T06:38:00.000-05:00

War is a brewing. It all started so innocently when last Thanksgiving there were leftovers. All three family parties were handed turkey, stuffing, gravy, and taters in Tupperware. A couple weeks later, we noticed that we seemed to have a little more Tupperware than we did previously. We didn't think much of it until a few days later when we remembered where it came from. Then we remembered other family functions and dinners where leftovers were carelessly given out with coats at the front door, never to be seen again. Then it started. He with the most non-matching Tupperware wins. We have purple, green, and skin-coloured (can I still call it that?) lids that don't match up with our original 300 piece set. Its' getting to the point where I'm catching my wife trying to come up with excuses to go to her sister's for dinner or to borrow something that has to be put in Tupperware. This Christmas dinner tradition will be fun.

2001-12-10T14:18:00.000-05:00

Right now, there's alot of guys named Dave, Todd, Steve, and John walking around the desert wondering why the hell the goverment handed them a hockey stick and tossed them into a plane for Afghanistan. There's also alot of Americans who don't really need them in the way. You can tell our guys by the stuned expressions on their faces.

2001-12-10T12:07:00.000-05:00

Things I noticed in the last few days:
-My work is interfering with all the sites I read on a daily basis.
-I never write anything remotely interesting, yet according to a new counter, I get 30+ page views a day.(They must be pissed.)
-We haven't yet had snow, and there's only 14 days left till Xmas.
-Its getting harder and harder to put my socks on in the morning.
-When hair grows back, its really itchy.

I'm so alert these days, that I can see in the dark.

2001-12-07T07:27:00.000-05:00

Ding. Its' Friday again, and time for your dose of links.

-Create a Workout Routine.
-Alcohol Warnings
-Tourette Barbie
-Leash Your Girl

2001-12-06T12:00:00.000-05:00

Went to a house party last weekend and noticed something peculiar. Most of the men who were with a date or their wife, seemed to be a little overweight, balding, and dumpy, and most of the single guys who came alone seemed to be thin, tall and dressed immaculately. I'm starting to think that the women in this world seem to have their priorities all messed up.

2001-12-05T11:07:00.000-05:00

Theres a new restaurant around the corner from our office that just opened. There have been two other restaurants there before and they didn't make it. It's in a location that if you don't know its there or see it before the driveway, you either won't see it or you have to drive about 1/2 a mile before you can turn around and go back. The name of the the restaurant is "The Titanic". I kid you not.

2001-12-04T10:43:00.000-05:00

Santa and the Mall. Saturday December 1st. What was I thinking? We promised Hayden that we'd go see Santa and like most 3 year olds, he didn't forget. The line didn't seem that bad from the angle we approached. I kinda dashed the last fifty feet pushing my one year old daughter Mackenzie in her stroller, and dragging Hayden with feet flying through the air, figuring I'd get there before the fat lady with 18 kids. As I stood proud with a king-of-the-castle smirk, I checked my watch and noticed it was slightly after 1:00pm. The woman behind me with the 4 year old kid who looked like she dressed herself decided that if she pressed hard against me, the line of stain-faced toddlers would somehow diminish. I then noticed that the line was a little longer than I had thought because of the Christmas trees and fake presents, but I wasn't ready to drag my son kicking and screaming through the mall yelling "I wanna see Santa!" and "You promised!" just yet. I even remembered that the wife had warned me that we were on the "Saturday afternoon errand schedule" and there was no way I'd make it home to watch the Army/Navy game. I'd show her, I thought to myself and probably even get a nap in too. This Santa was a good one. He stopped in-between kids once in a while to wave to all the restless touch-everything kids that were patiently awaiting their two minute lap sit that was every kid's god-given right. As we approached the chain that separated Santa from awaiting kid, Santa got up and whispered in the ear of the 18 year old female elf that Dad secretly wished to find under his tree. Then he walked away. The gasps coming out of those kids mouths, almost made me move two feet back, but the budding elf came and told me that Santa was going to feed his reindeer. As the kids calmed about, and I pictured Santa running to the liqueur store for some "spirits", up walks another Santa. As he approached I realized that it must have been shift change time, for this Santa was a beady-eyed drunken looking guy who seemed a little short and a little too skinny. Thank heavens that the kids didn't even notice and still wanted to jump up and pull his beard. Hayden got up on the new Santa and proceeded to tell the jolly old guy what he wanted as I glanced at my watch and my jaw dropped. It was 2:25pm. I was in no way going to nap, let alone see the game and sauntered off trying to explain why Santa doesn't give Hayden his Rescue Rangers right then and there, and me secretly knowing why that fat bastard wears red.

2001-11-30T11:20:00.000-05:00

After reading about PeeWee Herman getting raided at home, I've come up with a question to ponder. If the police raided your residence with a search warrant, would you be charged with anything?
(Now before you immediately think: No child porn, or drugs, think about stolen street signs, old drug paraphernalia, any type of pictures or videos that could be construed as porn, and whatever else you sick little bastards have in your homes.)

2001-11-29T06:44:00.000-05:00

Funniest thing I've read in the last hour? Meredith has posted "If Santa answered his mail honestly ..."

2001-11-29T05:24:00.000-05:00

Warning: Long Post
Its 4:15am. I'm here at work. Did I mention it's 4:15am? I couldn't sleep so I'm here as there is nothing that I want to see on TV at 4:00am. I woke up and started thinking that it has been almost 20 years since I quit school. When I turned 16 and knew everything except what I wanted to be when I aged, I went to my parents and asked them what they thought about me quitting and going into a trade. Since I wasn't exactly on the honor role at school, they said it was up to me as if it didn't work out, I could always return to school. I went into the printing trade and stuck it out until 1992 when we had a recession and everyone in middle management was getting laid off. Having a mortgage to pay, even though I was single, I went into the courier business. Now, if you're still here reading this, it's not the most glamorous field and let's face it, you don't need a degree to drive in circles. I met a girl who worked at the company, started dating and found out her parents owned the business. They offered me a position in the office as a dispatcher, and I tried it and kind of liked it. Later, I moved into a manager position and am still there today. The problem? I'm not content. It's a stressful job that is thankless and you don't exactly deal with the greatest people. It is still paying the bills and I'm thankful for that. Twenty years later and I still don't know what I want to do with my life, and truly, is there a lot of people out there who do? Is it too late to return to school? How come the traffic is so light at 4:00am?

2001-11-26T14:12:00.000-05:00

Hoopty has made buttons to link sites and I spotted mine. This is it:

Love the hat.

2001-11-26T11:14:00.000-05:00

I used to want to be the guy who, everytime you saw him, had a different girlfriend. I used to want to be the guy who lived alone and drove the sportscar that I couldn't afford. I used to want to be the guy who had no kids. Then I met a girl. Then we bought a house. Then we had kids. Now I want to be me and laugh at those guys who don't know what they're missing.

2001-11-23T11:20:00.000-05:00

This sucks. I actually have to work today, while at work. There's a first for everything I guess. Don't anyone tell me that 9/11 didn't send out a ripple effect either. It seems a large unnamed American based customer is moving their mailroom offsite as they're getting too many bomb threats. They are also afraid about the anthrax thing as well as the mailroom employees are asking to wear gloves and masks. I know what you're thinking, but hey, they are mailroom employees. As if it didn't suck enough working in a mailroom already.

2001-11-22T07:37:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving to our all American friends. Enjoy the turkey, watch some football, then get outside and hang those lights.