Thursday, March 28, 2002

Due to my birthday being a National Holiday, I won't be here tomorrow. Here's something to think about:
In 2001 five times as much money was spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. That means that in 30 years people will be walking around with huge breasts and erections but won't remember what to do with them.

Theres been a terrible accident on my way to work!!!

Wednesday, March 27, 2002

The Scene: Overnight snow storm that leaves about 6 inches of snow that they haven't plowed off most roads by 6:30am.

The Events: Get out of vehicle after arriving at work, and notice front tire flat. While debating whether to try and call for roadside assistance, which I don't really need but is covered in the lease, I decide to go inside and make coffee. As I'm filling the carafe, I place my phone/two-way radio on back of toilet. Hear "plop" and look over to see phone sinking into the abyss.

The Remedy: Make myself extra large cup of coffee and go surf porn. I would have left and went home, but I had a flat tire.

How's your day going?

Tuesday, March 26, 2002

Now that I'm almost a senior citizen, I notice a few things differently...

-Two movies on a Saturday night is a waste of one good movie. Hell, renting one movie after 9pm means watching the rest in the morning.
-McDonald's isn't a treat.
-There's no slow drivers anymore.
-Friday or Saturday night only means not having to work in the morning.
-I seem to have time for the telemarketers or the Jehovah's Witnesses.
-New body hairs aren't as exciting as they were 20 years ago.
-Having a bald spot isn't so bad if you're 6' 3".

Monday, March 25, 2002

Parking at the grocery store is getting out of hand. I need a couple things while trying to make breakfast on Saturday morning around 10am, so I hop in the car and take a quick jaunt over to the local store. As I pull in I realize that its still too early for the masses, so the parking lot is still half empty. I cruise down the aisle toward the "primo spots" near the front and realize as I'm about to pull in that it's reserved for "Customer with Child". I look around and notice more empty spots, but they're reserved with "Handicapped Persons" or "Expectant Mother's Parking" signs. Then I notice, way in the back corner, where they keep the old beat-up spare shopping carts, three spots reserved for "Middle-aged Normal Persons". I think I'm going to start shopping on

Friday, March 22, 2002

Next friday is my 36th Birthday, and it's a holiday....COINCIDENCE?
Friday, friday, how I love friday. Let me count the ways...

1. TungDog
2. Wet Suits
3. Magic Trick
4. My friend plays the piano
5. Leash Your Girl

Thursday, March 21, 2002

I've been sick. It was a family thing. My daughter threw up in the car on Saturday as we pulling into a restaurant for lunch. We cleaned her off and thought nothing of a 14 month old being sick and continued into the restaurant. While inside awaiting at our table, our daughter started throwing up again. It was perfect timing, as the were no placesettings and no napkins on the table. We cleaned up with the help of our poor waitress and still decided to eat, then order pie. I guess we were punished, because by Tuesday we were all sick.
I started thinking the other day about names for sites, as I'm moving soon to a Movable Type site that was offered to me for free by someone who I read on a daily basis, even though I haven't linked her and she doesn't link me. Rather unselfish act. The question is...what is the name of your site, and how did you come up with it?

Monday, March 18, 2002

A friend of my sister-in-laws was up at the local mall on Friday afternoon. As she was walking from Payless Shoes to Zeller's, she noticed two kids playing with a shopping cart, and what looked like a gun. She figured it was plastic and went to go around the boys. The boy with the gun grabbed her, put the gun up against her head and demanded all her money. She grabbed the gun and ran into Zeller's and asked to use the phone. The cashier wouldn't let her use the phone but pointed to a pay phone in the lobby. She called police and they caught the boy. He was 12 years old. What's more shocking, the 12 year old pulling a gun, or the clerk not letting her call 911?

Friday, March 15, 2002

I have a younger sister. She doesn't like horror movies. When we were younger, the movie Poltergeist came out on television. We watched the whole thing, and it scared the crap out of us. When the movie ended, I headed upstairs to get ready for bed as I was about 14, and it was bedtime for me. My sister tried to milk it as she was 12, and staying up late didn't happen much for her. After brushing my teeth and going to the bathroom, I decided to play a joke on little sister. I set up my bedroom to look like I was already in bed sleeping, turned off all the upstairs lights, and snuck into her room and placed my back to the wall and reached over to place my open hand over the light switch. Sister finally comes up and realizing that it's pitch black, slowly makes her way down the hall, thinking about devil possession the whole time. She slinks toward her room, and reaches around the wall to turn on the light and screams loud enough to set off car alarms. Thankfully, there weren't allot of cars with alarms in those days.

Wednesday, March 13, 2002

A tip for the day: Don't get behind people who are driving cars with car rental logo stickers on the bumpers. They don't normally drive, so they don't know how, and they sure as hell don't know where they're going as someone else either took them there, or they have never been there before.
If your wondering why I haven't left any snide remarks in your comments area on your sites, it's because these bastards are making me work while I'm at the office this week. Do you believe the nerve of them?
P.S. 16 days until my've been warned!

Tuesday, March 12, 2002

I'm starting to spend less time on people's personal sites and more time online shopping for an upcoming birthday present for the wife. Hope she appreciates the extra hour I come into work to shop, and the extra hour I stay after work. It's grueling going from site to site comparing prices and trying to get the right color and size for her present. It's tough finding sites through Google when you don't know who carries lingerie by their name. Hopefully I'll find the right present before her birthday in late May...

Monday, March 11, 2002

11:40pm Saturday March 9th, 2002. Stomach growling. Mission: Find instant gratification in fast food to fill the void. Walking into fast food burger shop that is remarkably still open in my 3 horse town, take heed of sign that states open till midnight to serve you better. Wander into empty restaurant and proceed to counter. Stare at billboard menu and proceed to tell pimply face kid what kind of burger I would like from the fifteen types that they provide. Pimply faced kid tells me that they just cleaned the grill, and therefore cannot make me a burger because they close in ten minutes. I tell him that its actually 11:41pm as I point to their clock on the wall from company headquarters, and that I'll enjoy a nice clean cheeseburger with all the fixin's. Pimply faced boy says one moment and goes to office near back of kitchen. Out comes older pimply faced man to proceed to tell me that they close in "a few minutes", and he'd be happy to give me large fries for the price of small. Asked for pimply faced man's name and also pimply faced boy's name and pulled out a pen to write the down on free logo incrusted napkin. Told pimply faced man that I would be on the phone with head office Monday at 9:00am to ask why restaurant won't serve the public before actual closing time? That was the best damn burger that I've had in a long time, although I watched them like a hawk while they were cooking it.

Friday, March 08, 2002

The other day I was driving along the highway and got stuck behind a guy in the passing lane doing exactly the speed limit. I noticed his license plate read "NASA 1". I somehow doubt that he was a rocket scientist though. After seeing another plate that read "1 RAD Z", I started wondering who would pay the government $100 to have that on their license plate? I saw the driver and it explained a few things though. In some places they only give out one plate for the rear of your car as apposed to the two plates we get here. Is that a cost issue? Do you get personal plates cheaper because you only get one plate?

Thursday, March 07, 2002

What the hell is the obsession with Jennifer Lopez? I can't go near a television without seeing this girl, let alone a magazine rack. Her "official site" doesn't even recognize Canada either. Blasphemy!
I did allot of thinking in the hospital while sitting and waiting which is great fodder for you guys. I realized that once you have kids, your world changes. I don't mean in the fact that you can't afford to go out for dinner anymore, and there's always a toy on the stairs awaiting a dark early quiet morning either. I mean in the way you see things. Before I could read stories about daycare centers having fatal fires, or kidnapping stories and it never really fazed me, but now I can't. When I read stories like this about a 13 year old girl who said "If I couldn't have saved them I would have stayed there, too", I get emotional. I watched the movie "A Perfect World" and cried like a girl, and it wasn't Kevin Costner's acting, because he was actually good in this. It's just different. I've got to get all the love from my kids now while I can, because they're no good once they turn seven...
My daughter was in the hospital. Seems she had flu-like symptoms and seemed lethargic. She wouldn't eat or drink and then started to break out in a rash and was vomiting. We took her to our doctor, then as per his advice, to the hospital. She was put on an I.V. for dehydration, and they did blood tests. She was quarantined as they didn't know what it was, and figured until they did, it wouldn't be a good idea for her to be in contact with other people. Two and a half days later, they take her off I.V. and since the swelling has gone down, and she seems to be back to normal, they release her. They don't know what it was. I figure it was either an allergic reaction to something, or a result of a immunization shot she had 3 days before. The doctor says that most kids don't get the reaction to the immunization shot for about 9 days, so he doesn't think that's what it is. He gets how much an hour? In Ontario, we don't have to have medical insurance, as most is covered by OHIP that is taken out of our paycheques by the government. The good thing is if you're quarantined, you get your own room.

Tuesday, March 05, 2002

I'm alive, just got some family crap to deal with...back soon.

Monday, March 04, 2002

Okay Girls & Boys, it's time for a test. Claudia has a site that made me think that I went blind. The links show up and so does a couple of tests, but you have to right click your mouse and "select all" to highlight her type so you can read it. Is it just me on I.E, or are you guys having the same problem. Most people don't believe me when I tell the truth...especially the police.

Friday, March 01, 2002

Um...I was joking. Read the third post for today. I was mocking people who take their sites and what they write too seriously. Sometimes, only I understand my humor...Is that a bad thing?
I need a break from this whole blogging thing. This is just too stressful and I need some "me" time. I may not post for awhile, and I'm sorry to all of you. Hope you all understand. I just feel so creatively drained...
Okay I'm back from Hiatus. I feel much better now. Here's your friday links:

-Cat Hats
-Wet Business Suit Collection
-Barbie 2002 (Flash)
-Army Men Porn
-Toe Wrestling