Tuesday, July 31, 2001

Oh by the way...RED WORM. Thats supposed to come tonight.
Update: The photocopier man(..er..person) came to clean the LaserJet printer and so I got him to show me how (to die hair blonde) to copy a 8.5" x 14" sheet on photocopier. He tries, then opens tray of 14" paper and notices dial hidden at very back of tray that is off the 14" setting by about 1/8th of an inch. He sets it to 14" and badda bing, badda boom. I asked him if he had any coffee filters.
I have a really good rant to blog about today, but I've decided to save myself for smackeral. I am the guest blogger on Wednesday, as Andrea has gone to Seattle for a week. Pretty trusting person to let us get into her site and blog away, considering she hardly knows us and the thought of posting porn links with pictures has crossed my dirty scheming mind.

Monday, July 30, 2001

I want to photocopy a sheet of paper. The size of is 8.5 x 14''. Not a difficult task you say? BULLSHIT. For three friggin' days I've tried to make a copy of this piece of paper with writting on it. I have even had it emailed to me and tried to print it from there. The sensor in the LaserJet can't pickup the hand-fed paper and the tray is only designed for 8.5 x 11. I decided to pull out the two inch thick manual that is written in six different languages, but realized that it would be faster to learn all six languages than to read half the manual to figure out where it tells you how to photocopy a larger sheet. I decided that I would use my last resort, and call the service people and get them to walk me through it like the useless shit that I am, and low and behold...I get an answering machine. Welcome to the 21st century!!
PROBLEM: On sunday I want to make a full pot of coffee, although I had no filters.
SOLUTION: I take a paper towel and cut it into a circle and insert it into coffee maker.
RESULT: It is so aborbant that I only end up with 1/2 a cup.

Friday, July 27, 2001

Today has been a day from hell around here. We have the saleswoman in the main office trying to pretend shes an ordertaker. If she could be any dumber and louder, that would be great. See, she unleashed a virus (second time) from her email yesterday and therefore can't hide in her office doing nothing all day. I spent half my day yesterday trying to quarantine the virus with her over my shoulder, and most of this morning walking her through passwords, printer add-ons, and how to retreive emails from another workstation. The funny thing is, she can't remember calling me an asshole (twice). Yet I help, although I can't stop thinking that the last four radar speed traps that I went through that were all facing the opposite direction have some bearing on me being such a nice guy...

Thursday, July 26, 2001

I have been wanting to do this for a long time, and I can get rid of some links that I've been saving as well:

Todays freaky links:
-Bathe with Jesus
-Diapers for Him
-Jesus the Monster truck
Riddle: I got home last night from work...no wife & kids. I immediately checked out some people who wear green nail polish and started "hauling furniture". What was I doing? (giggle)

Wednesday, July 25, 2001

Every night as I'm drifting into sleep mode, I have this interesting thing happen. I sneeze. Yes, sneeze. Every night, every single night. My wife finds it humerous to wait until I sneeze to say goodnight. I'm starting to think that its some weird chemical imbalance. Also, down near the blogger tag is a guestmap that people can sign and its been there for about two weeks. C'mon and sign it, I'll make ya famous...

Tuesday, July 24, 2001

This page shows that the "Ark of the Covenant" could have been designed in such a way that it could generate electricity. It's a pretty good concept even though all the facts come from a book that was written 2000 years ago about a man that left no physical proof that he existed and created a religion that is currently maintained by more people who go for the social aspects than to pay homage to the all powerful being that may have created us. You shallow, yuppie bastards. You're all going to hell anyway... Cowards. Wow...I don't know where that came from...

Monday, July 23, 2001

I noticed a little yellow sticky on the calendar this morning. It said "make appointment for doctor..snip,snip". We are finished having kids, so I think that it may be aimed at me. My wife bought a brand new car once without consulting me so you never know. I immediately took it down and wondered if this had anything to do with the lawncutting...
Hey, hey kids. Monday....(dead silence). The weekend is over. Went to the Stanley Cup party and it was okay. I guess I was expecting it to be as good as the one Adam had in 96. It wasn't. Hell, there was about 300 people there this time as apposed to about 75 the last time. Do you really think that he made about 125 friends since capturing the cup five years ago? Me neither. I did get pics and as soon as we develop them, I'll get them on here. I might have to link them to a photo page as I still haven't "cracked" the code. I also got a picture of my wife cutting the lawn. Thats twice in a row now...but whos counting?

Friday, July 20, 2001

Green...interesting. Yeah me, I just scored a satelitte dish from eBay for $53.00 cdn.(26.50 american) that I needed the reciever for. I had shopped for them through a friend down in Florida and $99 american was the best he could get. We found a sitter for the kids, so we can go to the Stanley Cup party on Saturday night and I will post pictures next week. The cup isn't coming in until 4pm Saturday, so now the private pictures that we can take with it and kids has been moved to Sunday. I am on work to rule today to protest the "upgraded" version of our software that has thrown everything else outta whack, so if you need me you can I.M. me @ guruvious...

Thursday, July 19, 2001

Now you have been told with plenty of time to book for this. Ebay sent me an email about the Toronto Trek 15. Blow the dust off your Star Trek jammies and come on down...
Now accepting ideas and instructional code tips to make this site better than it looks now. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting back watching the world go by today. Like thats any different from what I did yesterday...

Wednesday, July 18, 2001

Ordinary average guy leaves work and gets home around 6:45pm. Walks into house and sees dishes piled up and junk strewn about the house with unemployed wife sleeping on couch with television blairing. He realizes that once again he will have to make his own dinner and tidy up the house. Wife wakes up in fowl mood and starts on him about the fact that they can't find anyone to watch kids on Saturday night for a once-in-a-lifetime type event that they have known about for four weeks. They argue and once again, he comes out as the bad guy. Goes to bed early after hardly speaking two words to wife. Next morning, alarm goes off at the same time that its been going off for six years so ordinary average guy can get showered, dressed and to his ordinary job at the same wage he's been making for the past six years. He leaves the house that morning, gets into his car and drives off...never to be seen again.

Tuesday, July 17, 2001

Thanks to Dan, I'm ordering a pizza from Pizza Hut. Yums. The "geeks" came in last night at 5:30pm to install the 2.7 version of our software. Of course, we all leave by 6pm and so this morning there is a little tension in the air. The "minor" changes weren't very minor and everyone is pulling out their hair. Yet, I blog away and await my pizza...

Monday, July 16, 2001

I could possibly park in our 2-car garage this winter. We cleaned it out this weekend. Mostly took stuff out, blew dust off it, and put it back in its proper position. Now we have a pile of useless stuff for a garage sale. I don't know how other people feel, but to me a garage sale is an excuse to profit from your garbage. You never really used it, will never use it, but you find it too valuable to throw out. Also, its THAT time of year. I just bought the 2001 issue of my favorite football magazine that predicts all the NFL teams and tells you all the changes and their draft picks. The pages are worn and some are stuck together already and I've only had it for 2 days.

Friday, July 13, 2001

Last night as I was getting ready for bed, I heard a helicopter fly over the house. Now, normally there isn't a lot of "air traffic" over our house as we live in a small town. I think the population is around 16,000. Anyho...I looked out the bedroom window as the copter passed for a fifth time, and there was a police car in the farm field behind our house. He was shining a spotlight across the top of the crop. Meanwhile, a K-9 unit is driving around the front with lights flashing. Now heres the question, do I leave the door unlocked for my wife whos still out with friends and didn't take her keys? I am a heavy sleeper.

Thursday, July 12, 2001

Nothing to see here...move on.

Wednesday, July 11, 2001

Wow. I am the king of my castle now. I waited, and waited and put it off. When I pulled in my driveway last night, I noticed that the grass was cut. I looked in the backyard and it was cut too. I outlasted my wife. She blew the dust off the lawnmower and cut the lawn. She has never before cut grass or used a lawnmower, and she decided that she would try all by herself. Did a damn good job too...

Tuesday, July 10, 2001

Al la peanut butter sandwiches. Nope. Still can't get my archived ramblings to show up here. Thought I had it yesterday and the more I read about it, the more it confuses me. Html code can do that to people. I'm starting to get to the point of no blogs until I figure out how to save the old stuff, as the new one "bumps off" the oldest ones. Do I resort to the blogger chat room for help? I know someone who knows how, but hes just too busy being famous right now.

Monday, July 09, 2001

Cool news. My wife grew up with a guy who plays hockey for The Colorado Avalanche. This guy (remaining anonymous) won Lord Stanley this year and is having a cup party. We are invited to get pictures taken with the cup at his parents home next Saturday afternoon, then a private party that night with Stan as well.
"They" have installed a camera at my bank machine. Up in one corner is a camera, and up in the other corner is the monitor. When you look at the monitor, you get to see the back top of your head and a weekly update of your hairline "departing" down the middle. I think its time to switch banks...

Thursday, July 05, 2001

I'm an accessory. Mark told me that someone unplugged his freezer in his basement and all the meat inside defrosted. It had been sitting in there for awhile and he emptied it mostly and because of the smell, and he wanted to throw out the freezer. He needed some help to get it out of the basement. I came over and he showed me downstairs to the freezer and told me not to open it as it reeked really bad. I took his advice as it wasn't the greatest smell downstairs in the first place. We lifted it and proceeded towards the stairs. As we tipped it toward Mark to go upstairs, it leaked a bit of defrosted ice water on him. The smell was so putrid, that I almost dropped it laughing so hard. We did manage to get it out to the curb, and as Mark dashed for the shower all covered in rotting meat goo, I realized that I haven't seen his wife in a couple of weeks.

Wednesday, July 04, 2001

Happy fourth of the month. This morning when Mark pulled up there were signs up telling him that "I am home" & "Please knock on door". He wasn't as impressed as all my neighbors that were staring at me at 5:45am as I was hammering nails into the garage door to hold up the signs.

Tuesday, July 03, 2001

I gotta go sit in the back of Marks car so he won't forget me. Goodnite.
It is tuesday. The party is over. It was Canada Day and we had a long weekend. My wife took the kids to the cottage on monday after dinner and I have been left alone till friday. One problem...no car. I can cook and do laundry and all those other domestic chores so stop laughing. I lived on my own for seven years before I met and moved in with, then married said wife. I had set up a ride this morning with Mark as I told him about our plans and it was his turn to carpool this week. We usually pick each other up at 6:00am and most of the time he is late. This morning, I was sitting watching ESPN at 5:35am waiting for Mark to arrive. At around 6:15, I start looking out window as he hasn't arrived yet. I call him on the "mike phone" and I get "user not available". I get this all the time as Mark frequently forgets to charge his phone. I do not panic as since he is frequently late, I figure: long weekend, running late, coffee shortage, no problem. About 6:35, the panic sets in. Has he stayed up at his trailer? Has he forgotten that its his turn to drive? I call his house knowing that his wife and kids are up at the trailer for a couple weeks, to no avail. Call work, half expecting him to answer as I run over what I'm going to say to him, but no answer there either. Now, since we get to work so early, there's only one option left for me to make it to work relatively on time. That's for me to ride in with "The Penis". I cannot stand "The Penis", and begging him for a ride was not on the top of my list of things to do for today. Mark says he came by late and figured that I left with the car, so didn't come to the door. Mark will pay. Might not be right away....but he will pay.