Tuesday, April 02, 2002

I've been resurrected. Okay...I just moved.
I'm faking my death.

Thursday, March 28, 2002

Due to my birthday being a National Holiday, I won't be here tomorrow. Here's something to think about:
In 2001 five times as much money was spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. That means that in 30 years people will be walking around with huge breasts and erections but won't remember what to do with them.

Theres been a terrible accident on my way to work!!!

Wednesday, March 27, 2002

The Scene: Overnight snow storm that leaves about 6 inches of snow that they haven't plowed off most roads by 6:30am.

The Events: Get out of vehicle after arriving at work, and notice front tire flat. While debating whether to try and call for roadside assistance, which I don't really need but is covered in the lease, I decide to go inside and make coffee. As I'm filling the carafe, I place my phone/two-way radio on back of toilet. Hear "plop" and look over to see phone sinking into the abyss.

The Remedy: Make myself extra large cup of coffee and go surf porn. I would have left and went home, but I had a flat tire.

How's your day going?

Tuesday, March 26, 2002

Now that I'm almost a senior citizen, I notice a few things differently...

-Two movies on a Saturday night is a waste of one good movie. Hell, renting one movie after 9pm means watching the rest in the morning.
-McDonald's isn't a treat.
-There's no slow drivers anymore.
-Friday or Saturday night only means not having to work in the morning.
-I seem to have time for the telemarketers or the Jehovah's Witnesses.
-New body hairs aren't as exciting as they were 20 years ago.
-Having a bald spot isn't so bad if you're 6' 3".

Monday, March 25, 2002

Parking at the grocery store is getting out of hand. I need a couple things while trying to make breakfast on Saturday morning around 10am, so I hop in the car and take a quick jaunt over to the local store. As I pull in I realize that its still too early for the masses, so the parking lot is still half empty. I cruise down the aisle toward the "primo spots" near the front and realize as I'm about to pull in that it's reserved for "Customer with Child". I look around and notice more empty spots, but they're reserved with "Handicapped Persons" or "Expectant Mother's Parking" signs. Then I notice, way in the back corner, where they keep the old beat-up spare shopping carts, three spots reserved for "Middle-aged Normal Persons". I think I'm going to start shopping on GroceryGateway.com.

Friday, March 22, 2002

Next friday is my 36th Birthday, and it's a holiday....COINCIDENCE?
Friday, friday, how I love friday. Let me count the ways...

1. TungDog
2. Wet Suits
3. Magic Trick
4. My friend plays the piano
5. Leash Your Girl

Thursday, March 21, 2002

I've been sick. It was a family thing. My daughter threw up in the car on Saturday as we pulling into a restaurant for lunch. We cleaned her off and thought nothing of a 14 month old being sick and continued into the restaurant. While inside awaiting at our table, our daughter started throwing up again. It was perfect timing, as the were no placesettings and no napkins on the table. We cleaned up with the help of our poor waitress and still decided to eat, then order pie. I guess we were punished, because by Tuesday we were all sick.
I started thinking the other day about names for sites, as I'm moving soon to a Movable Type site that was offered to me for free by someone who I read on a daily basis, even though I haven't linked her and she doesn't link me. Rather unselfish act. The question is...what is the name of your site, and how did you come up with it?

Monday, March 18, 2002

A friend of my sister-in-laws was up at the local mall on Friday afternoon. As she was walking from Payless Shoes to Zeller's, she noticed two kids playing with a shopping cart, and what looked like a gun. She figured it was plastic and went to go around the boys. The boy with the gun grabbed her, put the gun up against her head and demanded all her money. She grabbed the gun and ran into Zeller's and asked to use the phone. The cashier wouldn't let her use the phone but pointed to a pay phone in the lobby. She called police and they caught the boy. He was 12 years old. What's more shocking, the 12 year old pulling a gun, or the clerk not letting her call 911?

Friday, March 15, 2002

I have a younger sister. She doesn't like horror movies. When we were younger, the movie Poltergeist came out on television. We watched the whole thing, and it scared the crap out of us. When the movie ended, I headed upstairs to get ready for bed as I was about 14, and it was bedtime for me. My sister tried to milk it as she was 12, and staying up late didn't happen much for her. After brushing my teeth and going to the bathroom, I decided to play a joke on little sister. I set up my bedroom to look like I was already in bed sleeping, turned off all the upstairs lights, and snuck into her room and placed my back to the wall and reached over to place my open hand over the light switch. Sister finally comes up and realizing that it's pitch black, slowly makes her way down the hall, thinking about devil possession the whole time. She slinks toward her room, and reaches around the wall to turn on the light and screams loud enough to set off car alarms. Thankfully, there weren't allot of cars with alarms in those days.

Wednesday, March 13, 2002

A tip for the day: Don't get behind people who are driving cars with car rental logo stickers on the bumpers. They don't normally drive, so they don't know how, and they sure as hell don't know where they're going as someone else either took them there, or they have never been there before.
If your wondering why I haven't left any snide remarks in your comments area on your sites, it's because these bastards are making me work while I'm at the office this week. Do you believe the nerve of them?
P.S. 16 days until my Birthday...you've been warned!